Beware of dog
Oh Messy Life #31
Welcome to Human Pursuits, the column that features need-to-know names and stories in media and other creative spaces. Today, I got bit by a dog, and updates from Friends of the Newsletter, including Ben Firke, Max Tani, Charly Bliss, Josh Gondelman, and more.
I was buzzed on Cotes De Roses and walking to buy a chicken breast when the dog across the street slipped through the patio gate and started running.
It took only a moment for him to hit top speed, his body a blur as it floated across the pavement. He was a coordinated drone strike behind enemy lines, a wildfire encroaching on a remote town.
He was a black and white Shih Tzu Chu — and he was coming right for me.
Like a fool, I feared for his safety. He scrambled across the sidewalk and into the street, and I worried he was about to become roadkill, that his tiny 10-pound frame would be crushed by the weight of a passing Tesla or Rivian.
But it was Sunday, and the good Lord was on his side. The street was quiet. His path to victory lay clear.
He struck me with the force of a thousand tiny suns, his teeth gnashing at my legs before my brain could register what was happening. In that moment, I was his sworn enemy. He would kill me or die trying.
He bit my shins, moving clockwise around my legs like some demonic prize fighter. I tried to kick at him, but my Birkenstock clogs were made of suede and, thus, ineffective.
From across the street, I could see his owner, a woman, running leash in hand.
“Get your dog off me,” I yelled.
I kicked the Shih Tzu Chu, my left foot connecting with its head as it maintained its assault. I didn’t want to hurt him. I just wanted him to stop.
“Get your fucking dog off me”.
She reached the scene of the melee and kneeled to try and collect her animal, who was behind my legs, snapping at my heels.
“Holy fuck get your dog off of me,” I urged.
“Stop moving!”
She trailed the dog in a circle around me, hands reaching for its collar while simultaneously trying to avoid its mouth.
The first time I was bit by a dog, I probably deserved it.
I was nine years old and lying on the bathroom floor petting Ricky, my aunt’s dog, who was not thrilled by my advances. When he finally snapped, he bit me on my right wrist, the millimetre-sized gash announcing itself in a gush of crimson.
I cried hysterically — the momentary pain eclipsed by twin suns of sadness and surprise. Sadness, because I worried I was going to miss my class trip to the waterpark the next day (“I’M GOING TO BLEED IN THE POOL”); surprise, because I realized, for the first time, that animals weren’t playing things. They had minds of their own.
The Shih Tzu Chu was still growling as the woman pulled him from my leg.
“Oh my god, are you OK?” she asked.
“I don’t know, get the fuck away from me. Get your dog under fucking control.”
I realized that people were looking at us. From apartment windows, from the nearby intersection. The attack had happened on the lawn of a duplex, just minutes from my house. The front door opened, and a man with a broken leg emerged.
“Do you need a Band-Aid?” he asked.
I told him I lived nearby and would probably be fine. I looked around. The Shih Tzu Chu and its owner had retreated back into the condos across the street.
I called Leah and told her I had been “mauled by a dog.”
“What kind of dog?” she asked.
She told me I needed to get the owner’s contact information.
Eventually, I tracked her down. She had been visiting a couple on the ground floor. It was their patio that the Shih Tzu Chu had escaped from. She said she didn’t realize he could slip through the bars on the gate. She told me he was never off-leash.
I told her that what had happened was horrible for both of us and that I didn’t know what I was going to do. I had two thin cuts on my left shin, and my jeans were torn. We were less than 100 yards from a school. I knew I needed to call the city and report it.
She apologized and started crying. I patted her on the shoulder and told her that I was okay.
“Unfortunately, we’re bonded forever now”, I said.
I never wanted to see her again. She gave me her name and phone number, and we stood there silently in the late evening sun, each wishing we were somewhere else.
I said goodbye and walked down the street toward the organic grocery store. I was no longer buzzed. I bought the chicken breast, my heart racing.
Oh Messy Life
ICYMI: Last week’s interview was with socialist playwright Ben Firke (
). We discussed his latest production, RICH BEYOND OUR WILDEST DREAMS, and it got me thinking about The Muppets and a one-size fits all approach to creativity.This week’s reading included Max Tani’s scoop on Business Insider recommending nonexistent books to staff, and Stereogum’s 50 Best Albums Of 2025 So Far, which included Anxious and Alien Boy.
Let this be our little secret: is DJing with Passion Pit and Matt and Kim to help launch a new indie dance party at Baby’s All Right. Attendance is free, but you need to RSVP here.
has a new special coming. It’s called ‘Positive Reinforcement’ and it will premiere on the YouTube channel of record label and production company Blonde Medicine on June 27, before arriving in album form on July 11.
Live Forever: Happy five-year birthday .
Oh, and Charly Bliss are playing Four Chord Music Fest in Pittsburgh, PA, in September. Tickets here.
Proper Chune
There are signs that Edmonton emo band Ten Second Epic are gearing up for… something. This song, from 2006, always reminded me of Taking Back Sunday.
My next guest is…
Sports broadcaster Jay Onrait. I grew up watching his exploits with Dan O’Toole on TSN in the mornings before school, and his current highlight show, SC with Jay Onrait, is just as compelling.
Meme Machine
