Oh Messy Life #10: Just Married
Plus, Billie's BRAT summer, Amanda's first Bloomberg feature, tickets to Joe's upcoming lecture, and a Proper Chune courtesy Outkast
Welcome to Oh Messy Life, the column that asks “Nancy Meyers who?”
GANGES, B.C. – That afternoon, Leah and I said “I do” standing on the Hastings House lawn. The ceremony was attended by 65 of our nearest and dearest, including our families, the Wedges, the Herschel hoes, trusted members of the gay liberal media, friends of the program, and more. It was a beautiful and perfect day and I felt seen and so I cried, dabbing tears and snot away with the monogrammed E + L pocket square my mom gave me that morning, staring at the boats in the harbour, trying to pull myself together before reading my vows.
I wrote them a few weeks before walking down the aisle. Despite my last post, I didn’t reference This Is Not An Exit. I tried to capture the same spirit, but I wanted to reverse the channel. To try and make Leah feel just as seen as I do.
For inspiration, I Googled to see if there were any interesting examples posted online. I wondered what the great orators of our time had said in the moments before they exchanged rings. You can imagine my surprise, then, when searches like “JFK wedding vows,” “Obama wedding vows,” and “Ryan Reynolds wedding vows” yielded almost nothing.
Even in our celebrity-obsessed culture, it seems wedding vows are too sacred to publish. And yet, they are often some of the most beautiful writing of all time.
My HPR co-host Dan Zajac thinks the lack of transcripts might be because vows require context. That it’s not only a matter of what the couple says, but how they say it.
Maybe he’s right. I can’t replicate the how. But here’s what I said to Leah on Saturday.
We were standing beneath an arch covered in Icelandic poppies, peonies, and Lady Banks’ Roses. She was wearing a white gown. I was wearing a tuxedo. In the harbour behind us, you could see a megayacht rumoured to be carrying Justin and Hailey Bieber.
I spoke.
My hands were shaking. My heart was very full.
Leah,
There’s so much I want to say to you, but I’m a giant crybaby so I’ll keep it short.
You are my best friend, my confidant and, in a few moments, you’re going to be my wife.
As your husband, I promise I will always consider you in my decisions.
I promise I will carpe diem with you, even in the summer, when I’m tired.
I promise I will say I love you every time I leave the house, and that I will kiss you every time I return – as if I’ve been on a long journey.
I promise I will always support you in your career and your quest to make “young athlete money”.
And I promise I will work equally hard to help achieve our goals, including but not limited to a countryside cat rescue, and a Volvo X640 recharge.
Finally, I promise to always cry at weddings because they make me think of you and the beautiful life we are building together.
I am so deeply in love with you, and I cannot wait to spend the rest our lives together.
Oh Messy Life
“Might remix it”: In this music fan’s opinion, nothing captures the marketing genius of Charli XCX and Brat quite like the decision to remix most (if not all) of the album. While the new collaboration with Billie Eilish is not my favourite – Billie’s verse feels a little stilted, her contribution feels like a novelty – there’s no denying that the strategy continues to work wonders, offering fans an opportunity to rediscover tracks and speculate about which high-profile pop star will appear next. Personally? I’m praying for a Chappell Roan appearance or Polachek on “Apple”.
Amanda Mull has finally dropped her first feature after making the jump to Bloomberg earlier this year, diving headfirst into the confounding, misguided decision to lock up retail products inside hard plastic barriers.
Calling all photogs: Next month Joe Perri is offering an inside look at his color toning techniques. The two-part lecture will take place in September and can be attended virtually. Tickets here.
All Killer, No Filler: This week Daisy Alioto and the team at Dirt debuted the first ep of their new podcast, Tasteland. I’m only about halfway through, but I’ve enjoyed the conversation so far. For a water sign, Daisy’s wit is surprisingly dry.
Proper Chune
A few weeks ago, I bought some old issues of Blender off eBay. I might do a full walkthrough at some point but, for now, I’ll say that they’re a pretty wild time capsule of music in the mid-2000s. Like, who knew Outkast buried a fourth part of their classic “Da Art of Storytellin’” on a DJ Drama mixtape? Not me!