Oh Messy Life #18: Fight off your demons
So Brand New announced some public performances...
Welcome to Human Pursuits, the column that features need-to-know names and stories in media and other creative spaces. Today, some thoughts on my least favourite tattoo, as well as some updates from Friends of the Newsletter.
"You shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor tattoo any marks on you: I am the Lord.”
— Leviticus 19:28
Anita loves to point out my slutty little thigh tat.
“There it is,” she says, on the nights we play rec basketball. “The tattoo is out.”
I’ve had the marking, which sits maybe two inches above my right knee, for almost 13 years. It reads “Fight off your demons”, a sentiment I once loved, but now resent, due to its unshakeable association with the Long Island emo band Brand New and, specifically, frontman, Jesse Lacey.
The phrase is tied to the mid-2000s when it appeared in a cryptic studio update posted to the band’s website. It has since become a consistent reference in its mythology, appearing on t-shirts, and in URLs, and even serving as the unofficial name for a collection of leaked demos that went on to form the basis for their acclaimed third studio album, The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me.
Many people have tattooed these words onto their bodies over the years. It’s a testament to the deep connection fans feel for the band. They are beloved, in large part because of Lacey and his fallibility and shortcomings. He is not your friend, he is not your lover, he is not your family.
Despite this many people refuse to quit him.
In 2017, Lacey was accused of sexual abuse and soliciting explicit photographs from a 15-year-old when he was 24. He issued an apology but did not address the specific allegations of child grooming writing, in part:
I was selfish, narcissistic, and insensitive in my past, and there are a number of people who have had to shoulder the burden of my failures. I apologize for the hurt I have caused, and hope to be able to take the correct actions to earn forgiveness and trust. [Editor’s note: the allegations have never been tested in court]
In the same statement, he copped to having a sex addiction and wrote that he had sought professional treatment. He apologized for the times he had not afforded women the respect, support, and honesty they deserved. But it wasn’t enough to slow the fallout. The band’s tour was canceled and, for years, Brand New was dead.
Until they weren’t.
This week a quiet resurrection occurred. Brand New announced three public performances; presumably more will follow.
Before you take apart my head, know that I’m not here to tell you who or what to listen to or support. Many people that I care about continue to listen to Brand New, albeit quietly, behind closed doors, through wired headphones. They separate the art from the artist.
But for me, the band became something different in 2017. Jesse’s shortcomings no longer felt theoretical. They were real and discordant with the person I had come to idolize. I can’t enjoy Deja Entendu or Science Fiction for the same reasons that I can’t enjoy ‘Rock and Roll Part 2’ or the collected works of R. Kelly.
I simply know too much.
Worse, I now had the unshakeable feeling that my previously harmless tattoo left me affiliated with something I suddenly wanted no part of. Watching fans rush to defend Lacey, I saw the latent misogyny underpinning emo music on full display.
As Jason Tate told me a couple of years ago:
Those women [who made the allegations] were then harassed online, and to this day continue to be harassed online. And nobody tried to stop that… No matter what else happens, and no matter how strongly people may feel about the band, and no matter how much I may want to listen to them, I know for a fact, because I have talked to them, that these women continue to be harassed by Brand New fans. Members of Brand New could have put a stop to that, they could’ve said something.
Again, if you want to see Jesse Lacey and his band play Dallas on a Wednesday night, more power to you. But do so knowing this once-again-public figure has done nothing publicly in the past eight years to earn your forgiveness, make amends, or reconcile with his past.
Personally, I‘m going to spend my hard-earned dollars on something else. Rosary beads, new basketball shorts, laser tattoo removal. That sort of thing.
Oh Messy Life
Nicky Nine Doors sent me a demo he’s working on. It sounds like Lauv (high praise).
Ratboys have apparently finished tracking their new record. This calls for a round of Italian Beef Sandwiches.
I <3 LA: Lindsey Hartman continues to raise money for those affected by the LA wildfires. She and Give A Fuck LA are selling off some of the remaining t-shirts from their February 5th benefit. Purchase HERE.
In-N-Out (but mostly just in): explored whether family vloggers are leaving California because of the state’s new child labour law. Turns out the state is leading the US in the total number of influencers (and has been for some time).
The good homies in Anxious leave for tour next week. They are hosting a pop-up flea market on Sunday, March 23rd at Brain Dead Studios in Los Angeles, before taking the stage at the Echoplex. RSVP for free HERE.
Oh, and Kluane Mountaineering got a nice shout-out from the Twitter menswear guy. Dylan notes you can actually email them to order, which I did not realize.
Proper Chune
Woke up with Charly Bliss on my mind.