Oh Messy Life #20: Humiliation Ritual
Plus a Proper Chune courtesy Bon Iver
Welcome to Human Pursuits, the column that features need-to-know names and stories in media and other creative spaces. Today, a note on modern dating, and updates from Friends of the Newsletter.
Maryam and I are seated in a deserted training room on the technical floor when she mentions her grandma gets suspicious any time she texts about learning how to cook.
"She thinks I only want to do it because I've met somebody," she says. "Show me this man."
Leah and I got together near the advent of dating apps. Tinder was just starting to be a thing, mostly geared towards casual sex.
"I think Tinder's still like that," Maryam tells me.
You don't need to be single to understand that it's bleak out there. That you should kneel at the altar of Nora Ephron and whisper silent prayers for your single friends. Hope that St. Valentine pierces their heart with a broadhead arrow.
I tell Maryam that the younger generation has over-complicated things. That their attempts at being chill seem to have left them more tightly wound.
"How can two people be exclusive, but not boyfriend and girlfriend?" I ask, as an example. "I feel like the ambiguity is more stressful, more heartbreaking, than simply being a couple for a bit and breaking up."
I say this, knowing that I speak from a place of privilege. That the ambiguity we‘re discussing disappeared the day I started wearing a ring on my left hand.
It tells the world that I survived the humiliation ritual.
That, like them, I once stood on my head, with my knickers exposed, flailing and crying in hopes that somebody would turn me right side up, and love me with conviction.
Oh Messy Life
ICYMI: I loved Friday’s conversation with Isabel Pless, though I must offer a small correction. We reported that it took her about 100 hours to knit a sweater, which Isabel acknowledges was a bit of an exaggeration. “Felt like 100 hours to me tho,” she writes.
Related: it comes as no surprise to this author that Stassi is leading our first-ever Pursuits Poll.
Link & Birth: The good sister has announced she’s pregnant! Content creators don’t receive paid parental leave, so she’s hoping to convert some casual readers into paid subscribers. Read her wonderful essay on the topic, and consider going paid if possible.
If The Severance Podcast is the new DVD commentary, then ‘s newsletter is the new enhanced CD. Some really cool stuff was included in their recent ‘Hallways’ tutorial.
Here & Everywhere Else (erm, kind of): Dylan and Cloud Nothings are marking the 10th anniversary of Here & Nowhere Else with a short spring tour. Nice to see Vancouver in the routing.
A pug appears: and his wife got a new pug. Meet Dame Maggie Smush.
I love the new PI.FYI hoodie. The price is also very reasonable (before converting from USD to CAD 😔)
Oh, and Nick Pachelli met Michelle.
Proper Chune
Every song from Bon Iver’s upcoming album feels like a much-needed exhale. This song is further evidence that we’re entering HAIM spring.
My next guest is…
Creator and coach for all things corporate America, Timm Chiusano. You probably know him from TikTok.