A mortgage and a full head of hair
Oh Messy Life #24
Welcome to Human Pursuits, the column that features need-to-know names and stories in media and other creative spaces. Today, a note on aging and This is 40 (2012), as well as some updates from Friends of the Newsletter.
To a casual observer, the changes are likely imperceptible. A slight greying around the temples. A slight groan when standing up. Crow’s feet around the corners of the eyes. Laugh lines around the corners of the mouth.
I’ve been aging my entire life but lately, I feel like it’s starting to show. Part of me hates this and wants to ignore it. Another, more level-headed part, though, understands that age is a fragile gift — one that implies you’ve been fortunate enough to live.
If you’re over the age of 25, maybe you’re experiencing some version of this internal debate. Staring in the mirror, tracking your own decay, delicately applying lotions with your ring fingers, plucking hairs out of your shoulders. For women and other fem people, this level of self-care is often deeply ingrained. For straight men, it’s usually not. We ignore our mortality until one day, suddenly, we buy a Ferrari or start brewing beer in our garage.
I was reminded of this on Saturday as Leah and I watched Judd Apatow’s 2012 dramedy This is 40 on cable. The film stars Paul Rudd (Pete) and Leslie Mann (Debbie) as a couple navigating various midlife crises. I was 21 when the movie premiered, and mostly thought it was boring and unfunny. Imagine my surprise when, at 34, it suddenly felt relevant. Not because I relate to the actions of any one character, but because it depicts what I think is a natural yearning for arrested development.
Pete spends most of the movie acting like a scared teenager, eating cupcakes in secret, and lying to his wife about their shared finances and the state of his independent record label, Unfiltered Records. Things are so bad that, in a move of real audacity, he starts fielding offers on their Los Angeles home without Debbie’s knowledge.
It’s insane stuff.
Apatow isn’t exactly known for parables, but my main takeaway watching the movie was that honesty is the highest form of care. It’s the quality from which everything else flows, for yourself or others. Part of that means doing the embarrassing work. Of looking at yourself straight in the mirror, and accepting whatever’s looking back at you.
For me, honesty is using Rogaine in the mornings because I’m worried I’m losing my hair, and peptides in the evening because I’m worried my skin is starting to crack. It’s buying insoles for my new Adidas because my arches were killing me, and considering Breathe Right nose strips because (apparently), I’ve started snoring.
I can’t perform a Lazarus trick. My next best option is to pursue things that might lead to future harmony. For Pete and Debbie, turning 40 meant making amends, having a whoopsie baby, and then signing Ryan Adams to Pete’s record label (lol). Whether they sold the house is anyone’s guess.
Personally I’d be happy with a fixed-rate mortgage and full head of hair. I’ve got six years to make it happen.
Oh Messy Life
ICMYI: Friday’s interview was with of Illuminati Hotties. We talked Silverlake Cowboys, sleeping through most movies, what makes a good guitar solo, and doing your paces. It was all rippers no skippers.
Nickel on the Fountain Floor: That’s the name of Illuminati Hotties’ forthcoming EP. Last night she released a new song featuring .
This week’s reading included Tom Breihan on Post Malone’s ‘Sunflower’ and Katy Perry versus Kesha. on people who are “into film”. wrote about going into debt to attend Coachella for GQ!
Great Garde: Speaking of Alyssa, her podcast’s logo was highlighted in a “cover art appreciation post” by Apple Podcasts. I agree that it’s great, but what a random thread.
The good sister Caitlin Dewey from had her baby. Congrats to the whole family!
New Zealand calling: was on NZR recently explaining the manosphere. Listen HERE.
An Albus Appears: I was happy to see put down the Cartier Panthère for a minute and pick up her damn paint brush. Look!
Proper Chune
I can’t stop listening to 2000s pop-rock. Michelle Branch put her whole foot into this chorus. The video is also surprisingly good.
My next guest is…
Trevor Powers a.k.a. Youth Lagoon. I’ve been a fan of his music since I was in university, and his new album, Rarely Do I Dream, is a great collection of western gothic pop songs (trust me, it works).
Meme machine
Two weeks on peptides
Time to start a record label and open clothing store so that both businesses can enter their death throes exactly as I turn 40.