Your big age
Oh Messy Life #61
Welcome to Human Pursuits, the column that features need-to-know names and stories in media and other creative spaces. Today, revealing your spiritual age, and updates from Friends of the Newsletter including Chelsea Hodson, Brooke Domer, Dagny Tepper, Christopher Gutierrez, and more.
Spiritually, Delaney is 28 years old.
She admits this freely. In front of God and our waiters at Frank’s Pizza. She is certain. She has considered it.
She’s 36 but really she is 28.
She realized this sometime last weekend. On a Gulf Island with her girlfriends. They compared notes. Checked vibes. One friend said she was 17. Spiritually below the age of majority.
Delaney says she doesn’t see herself getting old. She announces this to the table—to me, Leah, and her husband Spencer—with a sort of casual confidence. Like how you might recall the weather or what you had for dinner.
Sunny and cold. Salad and pizza (with an espresso martini, if it matters).
I chew my crust. Wipe my mouth. There are two slices still up for grabs. Two different flavours. Pepperoni and cacio e pepe. I prefer the pep.
Delaney is sitting across from me, and I can see one of the big bar TVs in the reflection of the glass over her shoulder. Keira Knightley is standing lithely on a wooden ship in the Caribbean. She is wearing a pirate’s hat. Her cheekbones could cut glass.
I wonder if she ever planned on getting older. If her spirit is that of an old maid or a small child. I wonder if seeing her now would still feel like studying a blade.
Del asks each of us to reveal our spiritual age.
Leah says 45.
Spencer says 37.
I say 33.
Like Del, I thought my life would end after 25. Part of me secretly thought I wouldn’t make it past 27. That I would burn out like some guitar god. Canadian Kurt Cobain. Eaton’s Chad Kroeger. Better that than to fade away, you know?
But it didn’t happen. Instead, I peaked and then dipped and then peaked again, dipped again. My life settled into the steady rhythm of something resembling middle age. I became Unc and then chopped and then maybe, possibly, free.
“I want to be 30 forever,” says Spencer, who is also 36. Leah nods. “Everyone warned me your thirties are great,” she says “You’re making more money than before, you’re more confident.” Pause. “I haven’t heard from anyone in their 40s yet. I should check with them.”
They’re right, of course. All of them. About everything. Your thirties rock. Your forties are a question mark. For now.
But I couldn’t have possibly known that at 25, or 27. All I could see was a future filled with love handles and multivitamins. Compression socks and falling asleep in front of the national news. I hadn’t clued in that age is a gift even when it’s not on the registry.
And so, when Del says she can’t see herself growing old, I don’t really agree. I think she’ll be a 28 year old in a nonagenarians body. Her big age belied by a sense of perpetual self-discovery; of feeling somehow closer to the beginning than the end.
Oh Messy Life
ICYMI: Last week’s interview was with writer, publisher, and musician Chelsea Hodson. We discussed rattlesnakes, EMDR therapy, long-revision schedules, her forthcoming album, lessons learned from her Morning Writing Club and overcoming creative resistance.
Grace Robins-Somerville (Our Band Could Be Your Wife) is joining Friend of the Newsletter Josh Gondelman and others for a Valentine’s Eve literary reading/variety show. It’s called LOVE LETTERS and you can RSVP here.
Dagny Tepper and the team over at Pilot Magazine really freaked it with their latest edition. It’s called “You Are Here”. It is oversized, and unwieldy, and includes some thoughts from Kareem Rahma about escapism. Arrives at Pilot’s stockists in February.
The Catcade’s 2026 Prom is fast approaching. I’ve never been but I’m told it’s like an emo nite TRL dance party. 100% of the money raised supports Chris Gutierrez and co. as they effort to save more at-risk cats in the Chicago area. Tickets available here.
Spencer Oakes (who is spiritually 37) and his band, PC Dagg, have a new song out today. Stream “100 Cops” now.
Fashionista film club: Brooke Domer really understand her audience. This month, she launched “a loosely defined film club” called Melodrama. The first installment was Cléo from 5 to 7. This week is Lost In Translation. Action!
Oh, and speaking of film, try to spot Lindsey Hartman in the new trailer for I Love Boosters (she also helped with the costumes and wardrobe).
Proper Chune
I'm going away for a little while
To remember how to feel
My next guest is…
Writer, DJ, and bon vivant Ali Royals.
Meme Machine
cooked
